🦄
PhD in Unicornology
Advanced research in unicorn behaviour, rainbow physics and the difficult question of why glitter gets absolutely everywhere.
Summa Cum Sparkle ✨ 🚨 Extremely Serious Academic Website 🚨
Kenny
Unicorns. Care Bears. Good vibes. Questionable credentials. A world-renowned scholar in fields that, for very good reasons, no accredited institution currently offers.
🦄 Unicorn Whisperer🌈 Rainbow Compliance🧸 Care Bear Relations✨ Glitter Adjacent
100% ✨ majesticParody / satire only • These credentials are fictional • No university should be blamed for any of this
🎓 Totally Legit Credentials
🎓
Master's in “Incestology”
A completely fictional, satirical field devoted to confusing family trees, awkward genealogy charts and immediately changing the subject at dinner.
Not accredited. Obviously.🧸
Care Bear Diplomacy
Certified to resolve international disputes using friendship, snacks, belly badges and a highly regulated quantity of hugs.
Department of Caring🌈
Rainbow Engineering
Licensed to inspect rainbows for colour balance, structural sparkle and sufficient levels of fabulousness.
CSA: Cute Standards Association🔬 Peer-Reviewed-ish Research
2026
“Can Glitter Be a Food Group?”
Study halted after the ethics board discovered the principal investigator was just eating cupcakes.
Study halted after the ethics board discovered the principal investigator was just eating cupcakes.
2025
“The Aerodynamics of Unicorn Hair”
Concluded that mane volume increases dramatically when dramatic music is playing.
Concluded that mane volume increases dramatically when dramatic music is playing.
2024
“Care Bear Stare: Renewable Energy?”
Promising preliminary results. Hydro One has not returned his calls.
Promising preliminary results. Hydro One has not returned his calls.
∞
“Why Are You Like This, Kenny?”
Ongoing longitudinal study. Sample size: everyone who knows him.
Ongoing longitudinal study. Sample size: everyone who knows him.
✨ Core Competencies
🦄 Unicorn Whispering100%
🧸 Care Bear Diplomacy110%
🌈 Detecting Rainbows94%
📋 Responsible Adulting12%
“In a world where you can be anything, be a unicorn. Unless there are snacks. Then be near the snacks.”— Kenny, probably
🌈 Important Kenny Facts
✨
Glitter Policy
Believes glitter solves approximately 73% of problems and creates another 91%.
🧁
Research Fuel
Cupcakes are accepted as peer-review currency under very specific laboratory conditions.
🧸
Care Bear Index
Can achieve dangerously high levels of wholesome energy without proper supervision.
🦄
Natural Habitat
Usually found wherever the vibes are good, the jokes are dumb and the dress code is optional.